Tuesday, 21 April 2009

Fun Freudian Game

Hey guess what? It's that time again where I have to blog but I don't know what I'm going to say because I didn't do very much today other than sell books! All day!

Once when I put a tweet out there on the internet I got a reply on Facebook that made me laugh SO MUCH!

I scrub surnames from Facebook screenshots (including my own) as a matter of policy.

Now I just need to read the book he's talking about so I can REALLY get it.

Ever get one of those things where you laugh at a joke someone made about something you've never seen, but you know it's funny anyway because you know the thing anyway because of its cultural echo? Like when people make fun of the ghosts of Christmas past/present/future even though they've never read any Dickens?

That's what that was like. It's also how I feel when I read Thursday Next books, some of the time.

As you can see, I have no time for proper sentence structure today. I hope you will fogive me and our relationship can continue as it has the past however long.

Monday, 20 April 2009

Immunised - (LOL! Not as angry as I look in here!)

Today I got immunised against Yellow Fever, Tetanus and Hepatitis A.

I had to go to Southport to get the jabs though (and they cost me a VERY PRETTY penny) and the traffic was terrible. I had people yell and shake their heads at me. It was totally my fault, so I suppose they were allowed, but I drove away going saying to myself why can't people have a little more GRACE?! I said this to myself, knowing full well that if I were in their position I would be just as angry. I suppose I was feeling, um, I can't remember the word for it. Protective. Of myself.

Ahem. On topic please. It wasn't that bad. I'm making it out like it was bad, but it wasn't that bad.

The ACTUAL story begins here:

So I went in to the doctor's office and he asked me a few questions about my trip.

Doctor: "So! Thistripofyours! AreyougoingtoMachuPicchu?!"
Me: "Um... I don't really know yet. Why?"
Doctor: "BecauseifyouareI'lltalktoyouaboutaltitudesickness!"
Me: *stunned*
Doctor: "Butifyou'renotIwon'tbother!"
Me: *processing*
Doctor: "..."
Me: "Can you... can you tell me anyway?"
Doctor: "Okayfine."

The doctor then went on to talk about all manner of ways in which I could die in Peru, (ranging from Dengue Fever to car accident) sans correct spacing and punctuation. At the end he asked me if I had any questions and I actually laughed. He looked confused when I did this. Then he quickly shuffled me off into the capable hands of a registered nurse, who spoke to me at a somewhat more relaxed pace.

The nurse was a lovely lady who re-explained everything to me so I actually understood what I was getting myself injected with:

Nurse: "So with the Yellow Fever one you're likely to feel sick in about ten days, but that's normal."
Me: "Oh okay."

Earlier the doctor had told me one in half-a-million people (or something) die from the vaccination, but that "let'shopethatwon'tbeyou."

Then the nurse asked me four times if I had any allergies, got me to sit on the medical-type bed and began the injections. The first two injections where fine, but on the third one she bumped me while the needle was in my arm.

Me: "Ouch!"
Nurse: "Ooops! Sorry! Nervous twitch!"

SHE IS A REGISTERED NURSE WHO GIVES INJECTIONS FOR A LIVING AND SHE HAS A NERVOUS TWITCH!

Yes. Well. I lived. But just barely. I'll probably get a bruse there now, just so you know. I even bled a little bit. Then I paid them hundreds of dollars.

They validated my parking though, so that was good of them.

Sunday, 19 April 2009

Father has Returned!

Dad came back from America today! Like every time one of my family goes over there they come back bearing Things You Can't Get In Australia. There are lots of things that fall into this category because America is a magical land of consumerism and orange cheese.

On this trip he brought back:
  • My Spanish Coach for the Nintendo DS
  • Santa Biblia - the Bible in Spanish
  • Alaska and Hawaii State Series Quarters

He did not, however bring back:
  • Swedish Fish
I could have imported all these things, of course, but at great expense. My Spanish Coach is THE BEST EVER!!! In actual fact it's a gift from my sister (a late birthday present) and it's going to help my study of Spanish immeasurably. It marries up with my lessons at uni really well, so it'll be a great - easy - way to study. The lessons and games use the DS' functionality to its full potential. If you're learning a language it's a really useful tool.

I also have a new life goal: to read the Bible in Spanish. I've read it in English (The Message version, which is a paraphrase of questionable accuracy!) - not cover to cover, but a book here and a book there over a couple of years (except for Lamentations because - well - depressing!)


I have been collecting the State Series Quaters since my first trip to America for my sister's wedding eleven years ago. Now I own them all I'm not quite sure what to do with them!

Unfortunately it is not all good news. I forgot to ask him to bring back some Swedish Fish. Thus, there are no Swedish Fish for me to eat. I have a sad face on my face.

But far out I'm am going to PWN this Spanish exam in a week! PWN IT ALL THE WAY TO PERU!

Saturday, 18 April 2009

The Dream

It occurs to me now that there is no way I can possibly convey the full absurdness of this dream to you. Partly because you don't have the stomach-weasels, partly because you haven't just woken up at two in the morning.

But that is the state I wrote down these words, 2AM, the day of my interveiw:
"Having crazy Twitter-inspired dreams where Andrew Denton is the young hopeful being interviewed and I am the old hand wearing a suit. In my dream we are watching someone on Twitter's (@maureenjohnson's?) daughter get kidnapped. She is in the room with us weeping. Andrew is explaining the benefits of Twitter to me as this happens. Also, the entire dream's dialogue consists of quoted song lyrics, which we half-sing half-say to each other,

Me: 'I got in a fight with a stenographer, afterwards she read me like a book'
Denton: 'Isn't it love? This rain that falls on the sinners and the saints?'
Me: 'I still love you, oh, I still love you, oh, even though you want me dead!'"

Recording my half-remembered dreams is something I do. I keep a notebook by my bed at all times for this express purpose.

I couldn't get the stenographer song out of my head until today. Now I've written about it it'll probably worm its way back in again. Such are the sacrifices I make for you.

Friday, 17 April 2009

The Interview

My interview for Project Next was today. I would detail every little piece of it for your reading pleasure where it not for the fact that it is actually a BIG SEKRIT and you're not supposed to talk about it. I can talk about some things, but not what actually happens. Even Chris didn't tell me what would happen and he probably knew I would suffer for it. That's how much of a BIG SEKRIT it is!

Chris totally has my back, by the way. I think there are a lot of people who might think Chris and I are rivals, but no, we are like *this*. That's just so you know the magnitude of the SEKRIT - Chris wasn't deliberately sabotaging me or anything.

I don't know about the people that interviewed me (and yes, one of them was Andrew Denton) but my feelings on how it went go like this:

I'm happy with how it went. Of course there are always things that in hindsight I would change - I even had four-and-a-half hours at work afterwards to reflect on How It Could Have Been Better. I think if I'd been funnier or more articulate it wouldn't have made a difference though. I was probably funny and articulate enough as it was (although I would not have minded if I was a bit more articulate!)

There was one part I epically crashed and burned. The townspeople all gathered 'round to marvel at the warm fiery glow my failure was emitting. It was so large in fact, that I may have created new life through the heat and pressure generated from the crashing and burning.

But - BUT! - there was another part where I felt I did really, really well. I was in my element and I shone. I can quickly take a cornel of an idea and flesh it out in a funny and informative way - even under pressure.

So on the balance of things it could realistically go either way. I really hope I get it. I really hope Chris gets it too. That's our ideal scenario.

Anyway, the ferrets have stopped chewing out my insides now. I can be happy and actually get some sleep. Tomorrow I'll blog about the dream I had last night (the night before the interview). It is one of the most absurd things to ever... I'm not even going to finish that sentence.

Thursday, 16 April 2009

STABITY STAB STAB

I have my Project Next interview tomorrow. As such I think I'd rather be going over my story ideas again rather than writing an epic blog post.

If you follow me elsewhere you'll know I'm nervous. I'm probably the most nervous I've been in years. I hope I don't sweat a lot when I'm there. Oh man they're probably reading this. Crap. Probably shouldn't have talked about sweat. Sweat of all things! Smooth, Rohan. Smooth.

I'm hoping to funnel these butterflies into my signature NERVOUS ENERGY! If I don't I may end up vomiting on Andrew Denton's shoes.

Wait, why did I write that as well? I was just joking! Just joking! Joking okay? My self-control is usually better than this I swear. Ugh!

The nervous energy thing only works sometimes. I don't know what actually makes it go. I suspect divine intervention.

Essentially, I feel like this

I need to talk about the news and politics with an authoritative yet cavalier air. I will do this by stealing jokes from webcomics I will hope they have not read:
Of course this is a filthy lie. I'll really be stealing my material from the good people I follow on Twitter.

Psyche!

Normally I'd say this is the kind of thing I rule at. You know, just chatting to people, trying to impress them and whatever. But this isn't any old high tea with ladies at the bridge club. This is MY FUTURE! Potentially I'll be face-to-face with people who I respect and are very influential in the industry I'm passionate about!

I suppose, if things got really bad, I could just show them this picture and run:

See you all after the fact!

Wednesday, 15 April 2009

Utter BEDA Fail!

It has been a couple of days. I know this completely defeats the purpose of BEDA, but I just haven't been able to find the time to blog. It turns out that when you're on holidays your days get really full of other sorts of activities. The ones that you didn't have time for during uni but which MUST BE TAKEN CARE OF!

So what have I been doing while I was away?
  • Working
  • Socialising (Both old school friends and church friends)
  • Booking my appointment for immunisations
  • Sorting out some wrinkles with Centrelink
  • Watching a number of movies (Dragonball Evolution, Mary & Max and 17 Again)
  • Churching (incl attending baptisms)
This is all very important for you to know because the last time you saw me I was essentially a nervous wreck worrying about Project Next. You may have thought I was stuck in the foetal position. You may have sent for unwarranted medical (and physiotherapeutic) assistance! Turns out the next day I felt slightly better, then I talked to my good friend Dan about it and now I feel like it will be the best thing that's ever happened to me.

I am so excited for this.

Chris had his interview today and he called me about it afterward. I don't know how much he wants to reveal, but he was pretty glad with how it all went. His phone call left me exactly three times more excited than I was to begin with even though he forgot to mention me and how awesome I am. (Selfish!) I however, will still deign to talk about him in my interview, but only because I am such an outstanding  friend.

Now all I have to do is convince the Project Next people that I am funny and clever and capable. I think I will pull out all my charm for this one (usually I keep a little bit in reserve for a rainy day). Hopefully I will make them laugh. If I can do that I know it'll all be okay. Making them cry would also be an achievement, but perhaps somewhat less advisable.

Saturday, 11 April 2009

Crisis!

Wow! Here's to typing out a blog entry full of anxiety and then deleting it leaving me with half-an-hour to write something completely different!

For the record, I was worried about Project Next - partly because I am afraid I will embarrass myself in the interview, or I'll run late, or something bad will happen, but also partly because IS THIS WHAT YOU'RE MEANT TO BE DOING WITH YOUR LIFE?!

I've decided that's not the sort of thing I really need to blog about though. I want to talk about it with Dan or Ralph or Stu, but they are not here for various completely legitimate reasons.

But there I go, worrying, not-so subtly begging for sympathy which is TOTALLY UNFAIR because this is an opportunity hundreds would kill for. I went through all this before I submitted my application too, but I still submitted it. Deep down I really, really want this.

So it turns out this is just another version of the post I just deleted. Well I guess that's fine, but I didn't want to appear like I've gone all neurotic. I'm not. Seriously. I know I'm being silly here and I just need to get over it, but I think I may have just needed to get it out of my system.

Here let me distract you:

 
YARRR I AM A PIRATE FEAR ME 

Friday, 10 April 2009

A Very Good Friday

I like this time of the month. From the 7th onwards I have 1 gig of speeded-up internet to use. Once I use up that 1 gig I go back to regular, super-slow dial up speeds. This is what telecommunications companies in Australia call adequate service.

Usually I try and make that 1 gig stretch out for as long as possible. That way my parents don't think I'm a dirty parasite using up all their internet. Today though, I felt like watching an old Vlogbrothers video or two, and when I opened the page I was up to I saw this:


Yes. The legendary Helen Hunt video was up there at the top, and I was at the bottom. I decided must watch this page of videos to see what all the fuss is about.

And so I did. While doing so I found this ad next to one of Hank's videos which I found fascinating:

Aside from I have no idea who Kim Cattrall actually is, I think this ad is amazing. I don't have the space to completely semiotically deconstruct this ad for you, but the crux of it is someone out there thinks by viewing this ad I will be motivated to put this girl's voice in my car so she can tell me where to go. Also (and trust me on this one) it suggests they think I'm doing this so I can think about her semi-naked the whole time.

Imagine her recording the soundbytes! "Turn left in 500 metres!" "Ooops! Wrong way!"

Anyway, I'm pretty sure Mum now has an email waiting for her telling her "YOU'VE ALMOST USED UP ALL YOUR INTERNET ALLOWANCE!!!" and then she will say to me "Rohan I think you are on the internet an awful lot". It is how my monthly cycle works.

It's only after I wrote that final sentence that I realised What It Really Means. With that full knowledge, I am leaving it exactly how it is.

In other news, it's Good Friday. Usually on this day I am not at home at all; I am in Toowoomba at a music festival. I've been having a stressful couple of weeks though and I just couldn't be bothered getting a tent, driving to Toowoomba, setting it up, paying the money, having not-very-good showers and all the other things that come with going to a music festival. So instead I stayed home and went to church.

At church they gave us a nail with communion in commemoration of the day. I really liked that, but for some reason I got all these terrible images of me walking around with my nail, tripping over and impaling my eye, which was kind of unsettling.

It didn't happen though, which was a relief.


That's a new shirt, by the way, purchased in the economy-stimulating I did last night. I'm trying to keep the dog hair off it because I want to continue wearing it for when I go to see the Dragonball movie tonight with my harem, Jay-Dee and E-Dawwg. This exercise is made more difficult by the fact that my dog is being criminally adorable and clearly wants me to pick him up, but easier by the fact that he desperately needs a bath and I do not have any doggie shampoo for him.


And being Good Friday, all the shops are closed.

Thursday, 9 April 2009

DANGEROUSLY Close to Midnight!

In true BEDA form I am blogging DANGEROUSLY close to midnight. In celebration of this I typed "midnight" into the search field of iTunes. Thus, I am currently listening to Justice (One Minute to Midnight), ABBA (Gimmie Gimmie Gimmie...) and the entire Midnight Juggernauts album, Dystopia.

So blogging close to midnight was a pretty good call actually.

Today I went late-night shopping to fulfil my patriotic duty of stimulating the economy. Whenever I hear the phrase "stimulate the economy" I always think I'm listening to economists talk about something vaguely sexual, as if there is a giant euphemism being repeated in the media that everyone knows about but me. What makes it more unsettling is that these economists are inevitably old men wearing business suits (I assume this is because old men wearing suits gives the impression they Know What They're Doing).

I got some new clothes, all of which I will be rocking in short order. I'm pretty glad about this, because new clothes make me feel confident. I need all the confidence I can get for this Project Next interview I've got coming up on Friday. I'll probably get a haircut too, because Rohan with freshly-cut hair is about as confident as you can get. I need to feel like I can go to that interview and just KILL THEM with my charm and ASTONISHING GOOD LOOKS. Never mind I'm worried about the scabby zits on my face - if I make lots of hand-gestures I will be able to distract their attention away from the grossness.

Also, perhaps if I show my extensive knowledge of the media industry thusly:

Denton: "Hello Rohan very good to meet you"
Rohan: "I HAVE JUST STEPPED OUT OF A WITCHERY FOR MEN CATALOGUE"
Denton: "You... what?"
Rohan: "..." *awkward pause* "I AM THE MAN WHO LEFT HIS JACKET IN THE COFFEE SHOP"
Denton: "That was you?"
Rohan: "WILL YOU HIRE ME IF I SAY YES?"
Denton: "Only if you stop talking in capital letters"
Rohan: "OH WOW I mean... that's cool man. Yeah that was me."


In my shopping spree tonight I also bought a new phone. I didn't get an iPhone in the end because it didn't make sense to spend all that money on a phone I might lose. I'll buy a laptop in a few months time.

OMG IT JUST TURNED 12 GTG

Wednesday, 8 April 2009

Note to Self: In Future, Have a Plan.

You know that assignment I was doing yesterday? I finished it 15 minutes late, but it was all good! All good! The time stamp my university uses to mark assignments doesn't get changed until HALF-PAST the hour! WOO HOO!

If anyone wants to read an essay of questionable accuracy where I rave like a radical feminist about the depiction of the feminine in Gothic novels let me know.

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I watched TV all night tonight and it was GOOD.

Hey guess what? I got my Rudd money a couple of days ago and I didn't even notice until just now when I checked my bank balance. Then, today, I got my first Google AdSense cheque in the mail. I feel like a personality or something. Cash for comment anyone? Telstra? QANTAS? No?

I wonder what I'll spend it all on? I've already done $200-worth on a new passport for my trip to Peru. I'm thinking maybe I'll save up and buy a laptop. There's an Apple store opening soon-ish in the same shopping centre that I work in - maybe they'll have opening specials.

I have a relevant tweet saved for talk about the stimulus package. Now where did I put it? Here? No that's not it. Here? Hmmm apparently not. How about this one? Oh! Wait, silly me. Here it is. Oh yes, and this one.

Things to do over the next AS SOON AS POSSIBLE YOU'RE LATE DO THEM ALREADY:
  • Get imunisations for Peru
Actually that's all. I really hope I'm not too late. Catching hepatitis would be such a bitch.

WOW. WEIRDEST THING: A man with the exact same name as a boy at my church who has a tumor in his brain just subscribed to my channel. I got such a shock.

In other news, I found two copies of Paper Towns and Looking for Alaska in Borders the other day. Unfortunately they are at the bottom of the shelf where it is unlikely people will find them. I'm thinking of buying a copy of each, then leaving a Nerdfighter note in the other two. Will keep you posted.

Not spending time on the internet sucks. Also I have no idea what I'm doing over Easter. AGMF or no AGMF? I dunno, but I want to see NewWorldSon again so badly...

Oh yeah. I forgot it's called Easterfest now. Stupidstupidstupidname.

GIVE ME YOUR SOUL... MUSIC LOL

Tuesday, 7 April 2009

My Browser isn't Even Meant to be Open

I have basically 1000 words to write tonight and I don't know from which orifice I shall pull them. Gothic literature why do you have to be so awesome but so difficult to write about!? I wanted to do WELL in this class! I don't know what I'm doing here. I don't know why Twitter is open. I have to get up early tomorrow and I am on the internet. Nooo SQUIRTLE I AM DYING!@!@121!32

You're convinced I'm busy right? I mean, I really am, but normally I wouldn't talk about it so much. It's only that I got more grief IRL for not making videos today. My greatest fans are the people that know me personally and that makes me feel special. Special and guilty that I haven't been making more videos for them.

ALAS! ALACK!

Today, because I'm a really well-balanced person, I opened up my YouTube page to see how many subscribers I have. I found this:

Astonishing. There's something lovely about round numbers, but there's something lovelier about not-quite round numbers. It's the ANTICIPATION they elicit in my waters. Okay not really, I just can't afford to wait around for two more people who are still naïve enough to believe I will make a video any time soon. I have to prove I know my Gothic fiction!

Actually wait. I probably will make a video soon. Easter is coming up! Hooray! One week's holidays!

AND THEN A GIANT SPANISH EXAM!

Do you think I can study enough that I can cover up the fact I habla pequeña Español? And that sentence most probably didn't make any grammatical sense? I'll still make a video though.THE IRLS AND CRAZY INTERNERDS DEMAND IT!

Monday, 6 April 2009

Dragonball Movie

So who's going to see the Dragonball movie huh? I know I am.

That's kind of dangerous for me to say, because I have a lot of friends who are all ZOMG! I'M NEVAR SEEIN THAT MOOVIE GOKU ISNT AZN! THAY HAV RUINED MAI LYFE!!!

To them I say calm down! It all makes sense! Goku isn't Asian because he isn't human! You'll notice all the humans in the movie are Asians, but the Saiyans are not. Apparently this is how Asians see white people: as aliens with monkey-tails. And who can really blame them? Commodore Perry was a bit of a meanie you have to admit.

In actual fact I have no idea whether a Japanese production company is making this movie. It actually looks pretty American to me. Actually all I know of this movie is the trailer I saw when I went to see Aliens vs Monsters the other day. Whatever. I'm still seeing it.

I'm not even really a fan of the Dragonball series which is probably why I have no problems if the movie is crappy or not. I wanted to be a fan, but Cheez TV (the cartoon show that played Dragonball Z before school) kept running out of episodes of Dragonball GT and started playing the Cell Saga over and over again. I just had enough of that you know?

Except for 18. Remember Android 18? I had a raging crush on her for the longest time, which is probably the nerdiest thing I've ever done. You can write that one down to use against me later. I don't even care. Once I even saw a girl who looked EXACTLY LIKE HER while we were on a school camp in Year 8. It never occurred to me to actually talk to her though. What could have been. (Ha!) I never figured out how an android could bear children though. Those crazy Japanese; she clearly does not have child-bearing hips.

I fear I have just confirmed John Lacey's complaint about BEDA by posting this. It doesn't really matter though. It's an exercise!

Now I have to write about Demonised Femininity in La Belle Dame Sans Merci. Oh Belle Dame, you can take me back to your elfin grot any day. Lol. What am I even doing here? Why am I writing this? Okay blog done. Back to work.

Sunday, 5 April 2009

Are you Rohan?

Today at work a little girl came up to me and said knowingly, "You're Rohan aren't you!"

I thought to myself My word! This little girl has seen my videos on YouTube! I have finally been recognised IRL!

So I said, "Why yes I am!" Then I smiled at her reassuringly.

Then she said, "I thought so. I follow you on Twitter!"

Let's put aside the distinct possibility that although I've never seen this little girl before, she probably attends my church (I got this idea from something else she said to me, but now I can't remember what that was). With that well and truly set aside, I have been recognised off Twitter before I have been recognised off YouTube. Does this seem strange to anyone else?

I think it is very strange.

By the way, it doesn't count when someone sees me in a public place, doesn't say hi but then sends me a message saying they saw me at such-and-such a place at such-and-such a time. That's kind of creepy. It makes me feel like I'm being stalked. I would much prefer it if you came up to me and asked if I'm that guy from the internet. If I'm with other people I'll probably be embarrassed, but at the same time you'll probably make my day.

I've had about three or four of the creepy-stalker messages before, but never has someone actually said hello. Am I that intimidating? Am I that socially awkward I couldn't carry the conversation? Do I smell?

I bet I smell. That's got to be what it is.

Saturday, 4 April 2009

BEDA - Internet Things

Oh wow. Today's posts just came so easily! I must be getting good at this again! I LOVE BEDA!

Ever heard of Eliza? It's a program that pretends to be a real psychologist. There's a version on the internet that I had a play with, resulting in the following conversation (Text after ">>" is my input):

>> Hello.
How do you do.  Please state your problem.
>> I don't know what I'm doing here.
Is it because you are doing here  that you came to me ?
>> WTF?
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Okay. You're not making much sense either
What makes you think I am not making much sense either  ?
>> Your sentences are all funny
Why are you concerned over my sentences are all funny  ?
>> They have incorrect grammar!
Please go on.
>> You are supposed to be an educated person!
Does it please you to believe I am supposed to be an educated person  ?
>> It would, but you are making all these mistakes and I doubt your metal capacity!
Do you sometimes wish you were making all these mistakes and you doubt my metal capacity  ?
>> NO. NEVER.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> No. I genuinely don't want to make these mistakes.
You are being a bit negative.
>> Rawr
What does that suggest to you ?
>> It suggests to me that you DON'T UNDERSTAND!
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Actually we've been discussing you this whole time. Do you see my point? You're a loon.
Oh, I this whole time  ?
>> Lol. Yes. You this whole time.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Why thank you, although that's quite at odds with what you said TWO SECONDS AGO!
Why do you ask ?
>> I didn't ask
You say you didn't ask  ?
>> Yes
You are sure.
>> Yes
I see.
>> I kind of doubt that
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> You don't see at all. You're contradicting yourself - increasing my suspicion you're actually the crazy one
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> Um, no. Yes. I'm talking about you.
Why not ?
>> Why not? WTF?
Does that question interest you ?
>> "WTF?" It's my favourite question.
Your favourite question  ?
>> Yes. My favourite one.
I understand.
>> Sure you do.

In other news, Hayley gave me a shout out in the sidebar of one of her fiveawesomegirls videos and my views graph went like this:

I owe an obscenely large portion of what YouTube success I have to hayleyghoover.

Friday, 3 April 2009

BEDA FAIL!

Yeah sure I'll blog every day. I used to do it all the time. I'll do this with a little effort but no sweat whatsoever!

We all know I'm a dirty liar though right? I mean, I said "One video every Friday!" for my YouTube channel, but as soon as uni started that went well out the window. People are sending me messages asking if I'm dead. If I were to reply yes would it create a paradox requiring the Doctor's intervention? Investigating now.

So. No blog yesterday. That means two blogs today by my rules. You're welcome.

Why no blog yesterday? Because I was sleeping to an inappropriate hour, then went to work, then went for dinner and a movie with my harem, Jacinta and Ellen. We saw Monsters vs Aliens and it was incredibly enjoyable, but ultimately forgettable. Insectosaurus was the best. Why did the blob get all the air-time? Far out dude.

What sucks about sleeping late and going to work in the afternoon is that unless I've been up for at least three hours you can completely tell I've just gotten out of bed. I'm not one of those spring-out-of-bed people at all. It's something about the eyes which gives me away. My workmates think less of me now, I'm sure.
I'm working, can't you tell? All staff to registers please; I'm off to have a nap.

Oh hey guess what? I saw my pastor Ralph at work yesterday. I haven't seen him for a few weeks because he has a mystery illness which makes him constantly exhausted. It worries me a little bit that he's not really getting better. He was pretty well then though. He began distracting me by showing me a rubber chicken launching gun (yes, really) and saying "put it in your blog!" So guess what Ralph? I did.

It would get some vlog time too, but I didn't actually buy it. Perhaps on Sunday when I go in to work again. Also putting it in my vlog would actually require me to, you know, make a vlog. Can you tell I'm feeling guilty about this? I'm feeling pretty guilty.

Now I'll sleep, then write two 1000 word essays about Gothic literature, then write a blog entry, then have coffee with a friend from chruch. Did I convince you I'm a busy person?

Now excuse me, I'm very busy. Can't you tell?

Thursday, 2 April 2009

Andrew Denton vs Michael Parkinson - Project Next

Worked 'till 10pm today. It was pretty good even though I was only on registers. When you're on registers there is very little chance for you to help people; you just smile and ask if they want to pay 10 cents for a bag and then watch them scowl and then you ask them for their email address and watch them scowl again and then smile at them and then bid them a lovely day goodbye.

It was still pretty good though, all things considered.

In other news, Project Next got back to me with the details of my interview. In keeping with the theme of their outrageously difficult application form they have set the challenge to come up with story ideas for the what's topical in the news two days prior to the interview. The interview goes for TWO HOURS. Not even kidding.

It'll be worth it, though, if I can pull it off. I swear though, if Andrew Denton himself is there I will not be able to hold it together. I will probably cry from nervousness on account of how awesomely talented he is and how I will NEVER EVER COMPARE. Getting Andrew Denton, the interviewer second only to Michael Parkinson, to interview me would be like getting a sledgehammer to crack a walnut.

Actually scratch that, Andrew is a better interviewer than Michael. When Michael interviews someone (usually an old English man, like himself) it always goes like this:

Michael: "So I heard in the press that you took a rather savage beating over thestimulusprmmMyesMmmMMMmmmm."

Hapless interviewee:  "Why yesIgotafmmMmmMMMmyes."

Michael: "OhindeemmMMmmMMmmMMMMM!"

Interviewee: "HohohommMMMMMMMMMmmmyesMmmmm..."

Michael: "HoyesmmmMMMyesmMMMMMMMMMmmmmm."

etc etc

Andrew, bless him, is a lot more... clear with his speech.

But also ready to STRIKE! STRIKE LIKE A COBRA WIELDING CUTTING AND SUBTLY FUNNY QUESTIONS!

The moral of the story is I really need to know my stuff for this interview because it needs to stand up to a hotbed of questions - no matter who is interviewing me.

Wednesday, 1 April 2009

BEDA - Beginnings. April Fools.

I would like to say I've been conned into this, but that would be misleading sort of thing to say.

The truth is, Hayley started a blog for this BEDA (Blog Every Day in April) thing, and, exhilarated by the discovery of The Hayleylujah Chorus I boldly declared that I would do it as well. It's really Maureen's fault, though. She started this whole deal.

It's kind of funny I'm wondering if I can pull off blogging every day in April. There was a period of a couple of months I used to blog every day. There was another period before Twitter where I would sometimes update the blog several times a day.

It's just kind of ironic I said I would do this considering I haven't made a video in about a month. People IRL are going ROHAN! WHERE ARE YOUR VIDEOS?! WE LOVED THEM SO MUCH!!! I get a bit of a shock because I didn't realise they where watching. It's good though; I make videos so people can enjoy them. If those people happen to know me then that is really neither here nor there.

As it stands I'm still trying to find a spare handful of hours for me to make videos again. I was going to make one this Saturday but then I realised I have a "take-home exam" for one of my subjects. Upon asking my lecturer how much time I should set aside for the exam he said oh I wouldn't be making any plans for that day.

Thank you for that, David. The fact such terrible news was delivered in your refined kind-of genteel Australian accent made it only slightly less soul-destroying.

Today is the first of April, so here I am blogging away. Tomorrow's blog will be significantly less reflexive I'm sure.

But today, considering Hayley is the one who got me into this, I'll draw inspiration from her latest blog and give you a list of sexy/not sexy things that might not be obvious from the top of my head:

Sexy:
  • Glasses
  • Nerd girls
  • Books
  • Jeans
  • I might be torn to pieces over this one but - modesty
  • Eloquence
  • Intelligence
  • Frequent laughter
  • Semiotic literacy (leads to in-depth discussions and debates - also sexy!)
  • Compassion
  • Talent (I don't really care what in. Talented people are attractive and that's all I have to say!)
  • Calling people "dear" as in "Thank you, dear."

Not sexy:
  • Snails mating
  • Robert Pattinson
  • The word "osculation"
  • Boob tubes
  • Fire-Engine red lipstick (you look like a clown)
  • Nail biting (even though I am a nail biter)
  • Girls who smoke - plus it ages you
  • Supermodels (they do not look like real women!)
  • Pimples - especially on me
  • Pride, haughtiness

I will stop there, lest you get to know too much about me. Also it is nearly the second of April already! That would mean I have failed before I have begun! Onoes!