Thursday, 8 October 2009

You and Life Remain Beautiful

I told myself I wouldn't blog about love here anymore. I have a diary for that sort of thing. Oh hell. Maybe I'll never post this anyway.

In musical terms, my week has been incredible. Two new CDs from two of my all-time favourite bands came out in Australia and I just couldn't be happier. David Crowder*Band's new album Church Music is epic in every sense of the word. Seriously. There are 17 full-length songs on there, and some of them are longer-than-usual, and pretty much every song is a winner. I'm not sure if it's better than A Collision (or 3+4=7) or not... I don't know. I really don't.

Then there's Relient K's new album Forget and Not Slow Down which has taken some time to grow on me. It all sounded very same-y at first, but I'm settling into the album well. One song, I Don't Need A Soul, was stuck in my head this arvo after listening to it in my car. I was kind of singing it to myself without knowing all the words and then I went and looked in the lyrics book (which is beautiful, by the way - a perfect example of how to reward people for buying physical CDs).

Turns out it's a song about lost love, but life going on. The chorus goes:
I don't need a soul,
No I don't need a soul to hold
Without you I'm still whole
You and life remain beautiful
I'm not saying I go around moping over things that never eventuated, but I guess it's time I let go of some things. I've been thinking about this for a while, but you know how sometimes other people sum up how you're feeling better than you can? This was like that.

In light of the rather spectacular non-event that is my love-life, I've often thought about singleness. I actually don't mind being single - it's really liberating being able to just go off and do whatever you want. I have friends who are in long-term relationships, and in December I'll be attending the wedding of my good friends Jeshua and Corinne. Sometimes I look at my friends in relationships and I'm consumed with jealousy. Still, they're the people who are settling down into stable careers, or wondering how they're going to be able to provide for their future families.

Maybe I'm just not mature enough for that yet. I graduate in November and I still don't really have any direction in my life - and I quite like it that way. It's how my life has played out so far: one step at a time, never really knowing what's ahead. It's all worked out wonderfully so far, but my friends in relationships just can't live that way. Sometimes I wonder if being single is what I'm supposed to do, but I struggle with that because sometimes I'm so lonely. And yet... I don't believe I need to be with someone to be whole. I am my own person and I will enjoy singleness as long as it lasts, even if it's longer than I'd like.

Yeah, this is directed at more than one person so... sorry it didn't work out. Sorry if I was too forward or not forward enough. I'm going to do my own thing for a little while and be happy. Actually, I have been happy, but I intend to continue on that way. I really hope you and I don't fall out of contact because you're a really good friend/I really respect you/I'm totally in awe of you.

Ha. This makes it seem like all I've done is mope over lost love in the last however long. No, that's not me. It's more like unreasonable flights of fancy have potentially been distracting me from the road ahead. Or something. Or maybe new music is making me write things that I'll later regret saying on the internet. Perhaps you shouldn't read too much into this.

4 comments:

  1. David Crowder's new cd is AWESOME!

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  2. Love is on my mind too! My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for the past 8 months and yesterday we had a big conversation over the phone about where it's going and stuff and I found out he's cheated on me three times since I've been away. Only kissing, but it hurts. So now we are on a 'break' - whatever that means.

    I feel as if I should hate him, but I can't, because I love him. Love is so complicated don't you think? Or maybe it's not and the fact that ours is means that we shouldn't be together anymore? I don't know.

    Wow I totally just unloaded on you there. Sorry!

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  3. You. Are. Epic. Rohan.
    I love reading your blogs man. Mind if I steal that 'you and life remains beautiful'? Totally same for me right now hey :)

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  4. I agree with being content with singleness, even though at times it's lonely and all you want is for someone to hold you. Singleness provides many advantages in life though, and also gives us time to grow and explore who we are before we share that intimately with another. If for a majority of your time you are happy then there should be no need to run off and fine "the one". Well...that's my rant anyway...

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