The thing is, I'm not capable of collecting my thoughts tonight. Collecting is completely the wrong word to describe how I form arguments by the way. Everything I produce is an argument. Like, I'm trying to get you to feel what I feel. That might be outrage at my country's inhumane treatment of its indigenous people, or it might be that I was pretty stoked to hang out with some friends a couple of days ago. You might think I'm just telling you something, but really I'm arguing with you - trying to persuade you to come with me to where I'm going.
And so collecting is completely the wrong word, but it's the cliché that makes the idea easy for you to digest. In reality I've had this image that plays through my mind whenever I'm trying to make an argument. I'm not collecting my thoughts, I'm pulling them together. It's like each idea is a bird flying in its own crazy direction. Each bird has a long piece of string hanging from it and I'm wrangling them all together to make some kind of flock. The flock strains against the strings in a huge ball of feathers, but there it is. It is a complete thought, not a thousand individual ideas.
Wrangling. Wrangling is the word.
So I'm completely incapable of wrangling my thoughts into some kind of order tonight but I'm still possessed with this fervent need to blog something out, because maybe that'll make me feel... I'm not sure what— at peace I suppose. It doesn't help that something awful happened to someone I know, but I can't blog about it because it's all over the national media right now and publishing it online would be a massive breach of trust. I'm not great at dealing with other people's grief. I've never truly grieved over anyone.
Things I decided today:
- The title of my screenplay will be The Sixteenth Minute
- Tomorrow I will try my very hardest to revise said screenplay and email it to my lecturer
- I will go to work on Halloween dressed as Harry Potter, even though everyone seems to think that is an outstandingly unoriginal idea. Well far out you guys I just look really hot dressed like Daniel Radcliffe dressed like Harry Potter. I don't want to deny you that privilege. You'll thank me for this.
- I am going to buy Scrivener in time for NaNoWriMo and while I can still claim the education student/teacher discount. I could just use the 30 day trial during the November writing frenzy, but that feels really lame. And besides, if it's good enough for Maureen Johnson then it's good enough for me right? Plus, Craig from my church swears by it and specifically told me that I'd like it - twice. If Craig from my church says so then it must be worth it.
Recommendation: Blue Like Jazz and Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller. I can't exactly express what each book is about, specifically, but I can attribute Donald Miller with making me think about God and Christianity differently than I did before I read his books. He writes with such vulnerable honesty. I know you can probably pick up Blue Like Jazz for about five or ten dollars in mass-market paperback because that book has been such a big seller. I read it again every year or so and think to myself this guy is on to something.
*At this very moment I am so painfully mainstream-indie I will greatfully accept any scorn you have with a nonchalantly cocked eyebrow.